A Weekend In Delray

For those of you who have been talking with me or been following my time out here in Florida extensively, you know that while there are many good things about my move out here, there are also things that have been troublesome for me. Mainly, it's been the idea that everything around me is unfamiliar outside of work. I have never been this far away from my family and my friends before, and outside of four hour trips to visit family in Miami-Ft. Lauderdale and my roommate here in Dunedin, Mike, I am without a great many things that made me feel complete in my life back in California.

On my trip to Delray Beach this weekend to visit my Uncle Jim, I was ready for a chance to spend a lot of quality time with the family member who was closest to my own Dad: A philosophical man who loves the sea, loves fishing and is very creative. The weekend was something that I won't soon forget, and unlike the first time where I went down south to visit family, where I was basically searching for familiarity in an unfamiliar place, I saw this as an opportunity to gauge where my life was at this very moment, and through conversation and a search for answers to questions that had escaped me, I came out of this visit with perhaps a clearer idea of what my life should be like.

For me, familiarity and comfort went hand in hand all throughout my life. I never lived anywhere outside of the San Francisco Bay Area, and after getting the job out here, I never could have imagined what my life would have been like in the first six weeks away from home. I have had many good things happen to me in my time here, but there have been many moments where I felt life slip away from me; as if for a scant moment or two, I didn't have control of the one thing that I couldn't lose control of.

In spending time with my uncle, who himself has been going through challenging personal times, I have realized that in order for me to live this life the way it deserves to be lived, I have to be willing to accept life as it is at this very moment in time. Amongst the things we talked about, we discussed how accepting life for what it is allows us to not dwell on things we have no control over, or, in other aspects, things that we no LONGER have control over, which is everything in our past. Mistakes that we've made in the past should not be something that lingers after we make them, but rather, they should be kept in the past as they were and should be learned from.

For me, there were a many great thing that happened this weekend. I got a chance to hang out with my young cousin Nate, who at 6 years old can charm you and amaze you at the same time. He has the unbelievable ability to entertain those around him and keep them entertained, and his creativity shines through in every activity he does, which I'm sure comes from his father. His ability to take something as simple as a baby carrot and a goofy hat and turn it into a half-hour circus display is something that very few people in this world, let alone 6-year-old kids, can do, and he'll always keep you involved, just in case you somehow drift off.

I got a chance to do a lot this weekend: I saw Al and Rose and Martina for a couple of hours (Jessica, you were missed), I broke in my new fishing pole, I got a chance to walk around downtown Delray, I watched some great Family Guy episodes and saw "Frost/Nixon" (Good, but outside of Frank Langella's performance, nothing ground breaking) and I got a chance to read "The Tao of Willie," which was a really good read for me considering my state of mind this weekend. Willie Nelson lives a simple life for someone who has achieved so much, but in the end, all he asks is that you love and respect one another, because for the majority of us, to live without either or both leaves us without a basis for a fulfilling life.

The only thing I thought about constantly this weekend was how much I had to improve on my situation outside of work. My life had become somewhat unfulfilled, but I'm slowly looking to change things up. I have a membership to the YMCA. I play poker for free on Thursdays. I've been able to read a little bit, even if it's only fun little humor books. I still do the other stuff I'm prone to doing: Spending time on the Internet, watching TV, etc. However, I'm realizing that in order for me to feel satisfied, I have to look at what I have around me and not what I don't have. I have to accept my situation as is, and do what I can with it to be happy. It was something I read in "The Tao of Willie" that he got from the great philosophy book, "Tao Te Ching," which I had read previously, and is something that rings true with me at this very moment:

"Those who know others are wise;
those who know themselves are enlightened.

My quest now is to know myself. I was who I was for 24 years in the Bay Area, and now that I'm in the other Bay Area, I need to find out if I can still be the same person. In my quest for happiness, the base has been built; I need only build upon it and bring myself happiness and joy. I disclosed a lot of tough feelings this weekend, and I let my mind wander through the depths of sorrow that grabbed at me, but in the end, it was the realization that I had nothing to live for but the happiness of my own life that stayed with me the most. I thank my uncle for helping me realize it, and thank Willie for the assist.

It was on the way home Sunday evening that I heard from my mother that a close family friend had died. Betty Gaston, who was my grandma's best friend and partner in crime, died on Sunday. While I truly only had one grandma while I was alive (my mom's mom died when my mom was a teenager) I like to think I had three others. My Aunt Sandy is like Grandma-lite, as she lives in the true essence of my grandma. Lately, my friend Ben Casias' grandma has become this watchful person in my life, where every time I saw her, she treated me as if I was her own grandson. This being after the death of my grandma a few years back, her undying affection for someone she barely knew was all I need to know to have her as basically another grandma to me. That and she hugged and kissed me as if I was her own.

But Betty...wow, what do I say about her that hasn't been said already? If any of you were lucky to see her at her peak, she was the absolute best. My family would go visit her and her husband, Earl, as we headed down to Disneyland. She and Grandma went way back to the days where my dad's family lived in Port Hueneme, CA, just outside of Ventura, which is where Betty and Earl resided. They would set us up at their house for a night or two and treat us like family, because for the longest time, the only way her family survived was through the Livingstons, and vice versa. Her and Grandma were a dynamite team: Navy wives who didn't take crap from anyone, and who were stern enough to keep things in order, but loving enough to keep you in their good graces.

It also didn't hurt that when the two of them were together, they terrorized my Grandpa. Not so much Earl, who knew of Betty's crazy ways because, well, he married her, but Grandpa would always try to match being a hard-ass with Betty, only Betty knew my Grandpa so well that it would slip off her like Teflon. As much as they adored each other, there was always a jockeying for position there, and as a young kid, it was fun to watch. Now, knowing where she is in Heaven along with my Grandma, they're God's problem now. I mean that in the nicest way possible, by the way. I think God knows that in the meantime, they will have their fun in Heaven, scheming and joking away while they wait for their husbands to return to them, just like back in the Navy days. I'll say this much: between the entrance of both her and John Saleda in the last month into Heaven, that place got a whole lot crazier awfully quick. God better be prepared for a whirlwind of fun with that dynamic duo.

Then again, if Betty had her way for so long down here, it wouldn't surprise me to hear that she's trying to make Heaven her own, as well, and that Grandma, spry as she ever was, has been awaiting her arrival with baited breath, looking to "Raise Hell in Heaven," so to speak. Betty, I got a chance to spend many good times with you, and I'm sorry I never brought a girlfriend down meet you. I know that you, like my grandma, would have looked her up and down and hoped she was half the woman either one of you were, and I would look you in the eye and hope you gave me the old wink and a smile, or the thumbs up like Johnny Carson would give to the comedians he liked.

You were someone who always kept me on my toes, and you were someone who I looked to for a good laugh and sage advice whenever I saw you, and when I saw you on that couch with Grandma, I was always happy to nuzzle in between you two so that I could get both ends of it. You always treated me like I was one of your own, and you being so gracious to me in my life has allowed me to grow that much more as a person. As I look now at my life and strive for happiness, balance and enlightenment, I think about how you showed me so much, and that even though you're gone, your legacy lives on with Earl and the stories that will come from "Bob's kids." I love you and I will miss you, and if you and Grandma find a couch, save some room for me. I'll be ready to kick back and spend much of eternity listening to your stories.

Rest in peace.